Steps getting to you

1 step, 2 steps, 3 steps… I got out of the jeepney and paused for a moment. 4, 5, 6… I started walking towards the East. 10, 11, 12… I wonder if I could drop by in a friend’s house along the way. 18, 19, 20… I tried to call a few but none of them answered. 33, 34, 35… I saw my former teacher outside his friends house. I stopped and we had a small talk.

I continued my walk a midst the setting of the sun. I don’t mind walking under the night sky, it calms my nerves. I passed by four gas stations already and still continued walking. Jeepney fare was not an issue, really, I just like walking. And this afternoon, I really needed to distract myself from unwanted thoughts.

2439 steps, 2440 steps, 2,441… approximately 2.5 kilometers until I saw a familiar arc that says Campo Subdivision. That instant, I stopped and gave you a call. You couldn’t believe that I walked alone all the way to see you but you got out of your way just to meet me that night.

We had no place to go so you decided to walk me home. I needed the company and I needed someone to talk to, and there you were, truly materializing as my best friend. I lost track of how long I walked but who cares, really? We strolled around for a bit before going home. You bought me ice cream and we sat on a bench in a court. I finished eating mine and you finished yours but I still didn’t want to go home just yet.

“I’m tired. Could you turn around and let me lean on your back?” Of course you didn’t refuse for I was deeply troubled. “Beep, beep” goes your phone. “Who was that? Tell her to text you later because you’re with me.” “Why so?” “…because I’m special.” And you just smiled. “Beep, beep,” goes another text. “Aren’t you going to get that?” I asked. “Don’t mind that.” “How come?” “…because I’m with you and you’re special.”

I gazed into the highest of stars and so did you. I looked around for moonlit silhouettes and saw our very own shadows, black as coal yet it somehow illuminated me on the inside. I wish I could stay like this forever. I wish we could stay like this forever and not care about the rest of the world.

UPD Day 4

*excuse the face.:))

I went to Diliman to get my picture taken for my ID. Alas! This is it. Haha. And when I said I went, I meant I went there alone. *yey!* 

I have no plan to elaborate my itinerary but I did walk from OUR to Vinzons Hall and  back again. Haha. I had no idea that it would be a long walk. I’m used to walking but I’m not used to walking alone. Oh friends, where art thou?

Get to know yourself better

Answered this. I think it’s accurate. LOL. I’m getting to know myself better. :))

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They’ll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don’t judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren’t necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people’s eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don’t succeed. Don’t give up when you haven’t yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

UPD Day 3

I dropped by the UPHS to get my X-ray results, I met a girl whom I forgot to ask her name. We both went through physical examination. 

Officially enrolled. \m/ Got my ID picture schedule, May 24.

Registered for the orientation, kuya maappeal welcomed me. He looked at my name while I wrote it in the attendance sheet and said, “Hi Leanne”. :”> Attended the orientation, didn’t listen to it because le me iz busy chatting with my new found friend, Janet. We seem to have a lot in common. Ang gaan-gaan ng loob ko kausap siya.

Went straight to Mang Inasal in Ortigas with my sister because she had a meeting. Two and a half rice. nomnom. :))

UPD Day 2

Got up early for the 8am orientation and advising. I met my adviser, Ma’am Ruth Pison. She’s really nice and she had a very good vibe going on. We had an ate and kuya who assisted us through the process. And I met a friend, Mariquit. Can you believe that she has no Facebook account and cellphone? But she told me she’s making and getting one for college purposes. We’re seven CAL- CL freshies, 6 girls and a guy.

Hindi pa ko naka-enroll kasi bukas pa ang release ng X-ray result ko, which means bukas pa matatapos yung medical check up ko na isa sa mga requirements for enrollment. Pero okay lang kasi bukas pa yung tunay na orientation na mas mahaba at mas malaman. 

You can’t expect me to take everything in within a week. Adjust.Adjust. Oh CAL, please be magiCAL. :3

UPD Day 1

May 7, 2012.Hindi pa pala pwedeng mag-enroll hanggang hindi pa nakakapag Orientation. May 8, 2012 ang orientation ng College of Arts and Letters.

Lunch at Rodic’s sa Shopping Center, nagpapicture ng 2x2 at 1x1 tapos pumunta na ako sa UPHS. Isang oras akong nakapila sa Conference Room para lang marinig na sabihin nilang magpa-xray daw muna ako sa x-ray room. Okay lang. Met three acquaintances and may nakita naman akong lalaking naka-pink na tall, tan, and handsome. Kung sino man yun, ang gwapo niya, ang bait pa ng vibes niya. <3

First time kong magpa-x-ray ever. I never pressed my body so hard against something other than my bed. The X-ray machine is something new to the feeling. Hahaha.

Pumila ako ulit sa Conference Room, hiniram ni kuya yung ballpen ko. Pero napag-isip-isipko na matagalang antayan na naman ‘to kaya dumiretso na ko na magpadental check up. Tumabi sakin si kuya na mukhang galing din sa X-ray room. Kakaibiganin ko sana kaso nahiya ata siya nung sinabi kong baliktad yung t-shirt niya.

At nang natapos din, balik Conference Room na. Nakatabi ko si kuya na ang bag ay may tatak na NSPC 2012. Ibig sabihin, kung kanya yung bag, isa siyang napakagaling na writer dahil nakaabot siya ng National Schools Press Conference.

Naglibot kami ng ate ko sa campus and I swear na nawala kami kahit nakasakay kami sa loob ng jeep. Hahaha. Ang lakas pa ng ulan. Pero dahil mahilig akong maglakad, sige lang.

Oh CAL (College of Arts and Letters), please be magiCAL. :3

Last night.

I lay down on the bed drunk and sober at the same time. I can feel the heat of the alcohol taking over my body. It’s midnight but I feel widely awake, enraged by the thoughts of me becoming a monster. The stories I heard tonight about you and my best friend were far more perfect than I imagined and I know that if I tolerate our relationship to blossom, a lot of feelings will definitely get hurt.

I called you over the phone with my inhibitions out of sight. You knew very well how hurt I am at the idea and possibility of you getting back together with her. Reassuring me seems to be the next compulsory move. “I don’t know what reactions there will be but I like like you. I really do.” “Do you still love her?” “No, I don’t think so.” The last words you said left me hanging cold. Tears started falling but I can’t help it. The last thing I wanted you to feel is being responsible of how I felt but I sensed you felt like the most horrible person in the world for making me cry. 

Minutes passed and you called back. “Will you pray the Rosary with me?” It’s peculiar to hear this from you, especially during a fight, until I remembered the Rosary I gave you last Christmas. I told you to lead and did so, not forgetting to include silent intentions after every mystery. I ended the call as soon as the prayer   was finished. A tranquil ambiance surrounded the room. My phone lit up with a message popped up. “Please give me the chance to make things right.” I know that you are not capable of doing so but nonetheless, I felt a little better.

I went out of the room and made my way towards the couch near the gate of our house. It’s almost sunrise and my puffy eyes are still not getting the sleep it longs for. My eyelids are about to shut when I caught a glimpse of a familiar face outside our house. I gently unlocked the gate and went out to meet you. You are as sleepless as I was. We sat outside and talked. I wanted to hug you so tight but my body could barely even move to touch you. “LEANNE” says a writing on your right arm, “I AM SORRY” on the other. In the middle of talking, you pulled out a rim of paper with hand written words on it, asking for my forgiveness. Words escaped my mouth. All I could do was give off a smile. A smile of hope. A smile that meant second chance.

*He’s someone I don’t want to become a stranger again in my life.

One night. It was not enough.

*excuse the face.

Graduation Ball. April 09, 2012.

I told a friend that after this Ball, I would disappear into oblivion and make the least possible forms of communication with everything related to high school. That is until I found out how hard it is to let go of the memories. I wanted to be the first  one to let go so that it wouldn’t hurt me anymore if they forget the special moments we’ve shared.

Today, a few hours after the Ball, I got a growing number of guy friends telling me how they regretted not dancing with me. Damn. I don’t know how to feel about this. If they really wanted to, they should have made the effort of finding me in the crowd last night. I really did not know what to think whenever I am left at our table. I am wondering what happened or was I even that important or whatsoever. 

But guess what. Above all the frustration, he was my last dance. It was a perfect, last dance. <3

I’m not mad. I’m hurt.

Day 94: do you keep your thoughts to yourself

A lot of times, yes. Especially the kind of thoughts where I think nobody is interested upon hearing or the kind of thoughts that no one would really understand. It sucks because unless you have an outlet for your kept thoughts, it will always resound in your head.